What Is a Relationship Like When You Commit To Awakening? – By Gail Matheson
“Our moments of unconsciousness facilitate pain for ourselves and other beings. You are not responsible for others experience, so you can’t hurt anyone else. But through moments of unconsciousness, you can facilitate pain for others. Facilitate means make it likely they will experience pain. You can create conditions in which it is likely they will experience pain…or joy. When you are unconscious, it is more likely you will facilitate pain.” – Christopher Hareesh Wallis
In the Tantric practice, we do an examination and dissolution of things that are not in line with our true essence. Some of that gets triggered by the intensely powerful energy practices that become part of the daily routine. Some of that comes from examining the day to day things that come up that we respond to unconsciously – with anger or fear. Even happy moments need to be looked at with awareness or we can identify with them, and assign meaning to them that creates separation from truth
I did a week of deepening, and found some sadness that surprised me. I am over the ending of my past relationships, and I can see them for what kept me in the relationship. I can think of my partners with love and compassion. Yet there was this sadness as I asked myself “How did I let him treat me like this? Who was I that I accepted being treated like this?” Please know, this is not asked with blame or judgement that they were bad men, or that I condemn them as bad. I simply recognize that what was true of the nature of our relationship is so far removed from who I am today that I cannot conceive of it ever being part of my vibration. It would be tempting to say “Well, you had to get to that to get to here” and I think that could let a person off the hook of understanding the grain of truth that was part of the experience. It is not necessarily true that we need to have lessons – we have energetic experiences that show up as patterns of behavior. When our vibration changes, so do those patterns. No blame – no “you had to learn this so the universe taught you”.
That type of thinking is linear, and it is about being a Self/Identity. But if you view yourself as energetic, then what you experience is a reflection of your energy and vibration in that moment. It is how much of your truth that is shining through past the old unconscious energy patterns you have layered over top of that radiant self.
What I know now is how unconscious I was in my relationships. I recall noticing that every relationship I had followed the same pattern, almost to the year in the length of the relationship in which it occurred. Seven years has been my pattern. At that point, most of my unconscious stuff has all leaked out! And the package in which that occurred was about following a story of how relationship is supposed to be.
As a result, the extent to which an individual supported me in expressing my true self, with freedom, completely defined the degree to which I supported the relationship. It did not matter if you treated me well or not, if the relationship was healthy or not: I was able to experience my true self, and I loved it! And once your unconscious patterns began to limit that in me, it was time to go.
So, here I am, now living in that expression of radiant self that I relied on my relationship to give me. What is a relationship like now, when I am already fulfilling what relationship used to be? For me, today, the answer is that I am attracted to others that are living from that awareness and radiance. I can love everyone – no problem there – and I can see the beauty of even the meanest person. But I don’t want to be in relationship with them.
When you are devoted to awakening, relationship/partnership is no longer about the other. It is about what gets created between two people – that third entity. At this point, good relationship dynamics are just the price of entry. Deepening depends on that third entity. That third entity is the place in which we both commit to love and awakening, using the relationship as a place where the unconscious can be triggered, loved and dissolved.
Gail Matheson, PhD is a business leader with a graduate degree in psychology. She is a Reiki Master Teacher, an intuitive, a healer and a life long student of metaphysics. She describes herself as “mostly a mom, psychologist and metaphysical philosopher.
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